Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke by Eric LaRocca
There is a brief introduction with information about retrieving documentation for this story from various sources including a website, emails and instant messaging services. The story begins with a post on a queer website from Agnes in Wonderland selling an antique apple peeler that belonged to her grandmother. The grandmother needed an apple peeler but her husband refused to buy her one until one day, how shocking, he bit into his lunch apple to find a sewing needle inside. Agnes goes on to give more details about how precious this apple peeler is, even saying that it’s possible that famed composer Charles Ives might’ve once used it at a family picnic.
A person named Zoe replies, but some of the message has been redacted due to the ongoing investigation and trial. Zoe offers to purchase the apple peeler for her ailing grandfather who loves Charles Ives and recently purchased an antique musket and cares for it tenderly. Zoe knows that her grandfather doesn't have much longer to love, so assures Agnes that she will care for the apple peeler upon his death. She requests expedited shipping if she pays full price.
Agnes agrees to sell the apple peeler to Zoe because her message was kind and thoughtful, though she hesitates to sell it now because it was the only gift her mother ever gave her. She will send it expedited shipping after receiving payment and Zoe's address. Zoe replies, asking why she is willing to sell the apple peeler with expedited shipping if it means so much to Agnes. Agnes explains it is the last thing her mother gave her before she moved into her own apartment and came out to her parents. When Agnes told them she is gay, her mother said that her child isn't gay and hung up the phone. She must sell it though because she is struggling to make rent.
Zoe insists on paying Agnes's rent as she has never had to struggle with anything. She offers her instant messaging handle so they can chat more. Agnes accepts the offer of payment because she was seriously considering doing bad things to make rent this month or was even contemplating suicide. Zoe sends Agnes $1000 for which she is very very grateful. Agnes doesn't know how she will ever repay Zoe's kindness, but she will one day. Zoe replies that, as part of the queer community, you get to choose your family and insists that she is happy to help Agnes whenever she needs it. They chat on instant messenger and Zoe tells Agnes to keep the apple peeler.
The next night chatting, Zoe tells Agnes about something her grandfather used to ask her at the end of each day and it's something that she's going to do with Agnes now. She asks, What have you done today to deserve your eyes? which is a little weird, but it's more about taking things for granted, as creepy as it sounds. Zoe insists that Agnes buy a red dress and red lipstick and wear them to work, taking a photo in the bathroom as evidence. Agnes feels like a completely different person, but she's sent home from work for her garish attire.
When Agnes and Zoe chat next, a short amount of sexting occurs between the two women but then Zoe puts a stop to it, worried that if she tells Agnes what she really wants to do, Agnes will be scared away. Their chat ends but resumes a few hours later, Agnes really wishing that Zoe would return. Zoe tells Agnes that she wants to enter a relationship with someone where she is in complete control of everything, but she will ensure the other person is cared for financially. Agnes agrees immediately because she feels like she owes Zoe, but Zoe only agrees when Agnes says she wants to do it for herself, not just to repay Zoe for the rent money.
Zoe draws up a document in which she, known as the Sponsor, will have complete control over Agnes, known as the Drudge. The Drudge will be completely dependent on the Sponsor and will only eat at certain times of day and will sleep in the nude with the air conditioner on, even in the winter. Agnes agrees to the terms. The first task the Drudge is asked to do is to go to work and leave a pair of underwear in the bathroom, for which she is immediately fired, but Agnes feels like an astronaut crashing back to earth, exhilarated.
They agree to meet that evening on instant messenger, but Agnes is late and is made to hold her breath for one minute as punishment. Afterward, Zoe tells Agnes she will pay her an allowance of 1500 per month and asks what Agnes wants in addition to that. Agnes wants to meet in person and she wants a baby. Zoe says they can't meet, not yet. As for the baby, Zoe insists Agnes go to the park and collect a salamander and keep it safe and alive in her pocket all day until, after sunset, she must crush it with a rock. Agnes doesn't want to, but a Drudge must do as she is told. She emails a description of what she does and then decides she no longer wants to be a part of their agreement and requests to break the contract and end all contact. Zoe agrees and allows the current contract to be voided.
After a month, Agnes emails Zoe to apologize and asks to be her Drudge again after realizing that many people in the world have done way worse things than she was asked to do. She tells a story of a teenager who crucified his baby brother and then began to paint a portrait of his work. When asked by police if there was anything the teen would say to his baby brother if he had the chance, the teen says, “nothing.” This is obviously way worse than killing a salamander. Some time passes and Zoe returns the email, agreeing to reinstate the contract.
On instant messenger later, Zoe tells Agnes about a dream she had where she killed Agnes. Agnes arrived on her doorstep and then an atomic bomb went off, nearly killing Agnes. She is confined to a hospital bed, pleading with her eyes for Zoe to pull the plug. She does, but then the dream doctors put Zoe in Agnes's place. This dream makes Zoe realize she would never hurt Agnes and that she loves her. Love? That's a shocking word for Agnes to hear. She loves Zoe too.
Agnes again tells Zoe that she wants them to have a baby, that she wants to carry life inside her, but Zoe tells her that that's not something they can do right now. She suggests something different instead. She wants Agnes to get a cut of raw beef from the butcher and leave it outside for a few days so it's covered with bugs and maggots and rot, then, she wants Agnes to eat it. She tells Agnes that she contracted a tapeworm when she was younger and the parasite growing inside her made her feel like a god, so she wants Agnes to feel that way too. It will allow her to feel the growth inside her that she clearly wants. Agnes writes a descriptive email about eating the rotten meat, but unfortunately, it doesn't work. She gets very sick and her roommate takes her to the hospital, only to find that she has no parasite.
A few days pass and Agnes writes again, this time with news that she is now carrying their baby, a tapeworm! She's so happy about the family they're creating together and discusses naming the worm, perhaps Finneas?, and thinking of how she, Zoe and the worm growing inside her will snuggle together in bed and then be happy forever. Zoe writes that she is worried about Agnes's mental well being. She can't possibly carry this worm inside her forever. It will pass. She tells Agnes that she wants to end their connection because she's been treating her badly just to see how far it would go, but now it's gone too far.
Agnes continues writing for a little while, telling Zoe how much she loves her and how much she knows that Zoe loves her too. She writes again, worried that something bad is happening because she feels immense pain inside herself, telling her things have gotten worse since we last spoke, hoping that will make Zoe come help. She writes again after passing the worm. She holds their baby, pretending that it is cooing at her like a real baby would. Agnes writes again, this time about the apple peeler and how she should have just sent it to Zoe. Now she takes it off the wall, doubting if she's done anything that day to deserve her eyes.