Queen of Teeth

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Queen of Teeth by Hailey Piper

Yaya wakes in the bed of a woman whose name she can't remember and sees she has bled on the sheets. Damn irregular periods. She slips out of bed and heads to the bathroom, digging for feminine products under the sink. Surely What-Was-Her-Name won't mind. Yaya grabs a pad and a tampon but can't insert the tampon for some reason. She tries to figure out why and discovers… teeth. Well that's weird. She tries to make an appointment at AlphaBeta Pharmaceuticals earlier than her usual monthly one and is unable to, so she decides she's going to see an actual doctor instead. She leaves What-Was-Her-Name, who was planning on making them breakfast. 

After waiting absolutely forever at the doctor's office where she is ogled and hit on by a dudebro, the actual doctor is interested in helping Yaya because she is a Chimera born during the INZ9-00 outbreak and many of them don't last past puberty, and if they do, they suddenly split at the seams or erupt in tumors. AlphaBeta Pharmaceuticals tried to control overpopulation in 1988 after Nancy Reagan won the presidential election but their INZ9-00 virus only made some people sterile. Others became super fertile and their forming zygotes consumed each other creating genetic mutations called Chimeras. Sometimes this is fine, but sometimes a condition called Sibs sometimes causes the partially devoured set of zygotes to fight back, thus explaining the ripping and exploding. So, most people didn't survive that outbreak but Yaya has and now it's discovered that she's got actual vagina dentata. Well great. What a (not) fun surprise. 

After leaving the gynecologist appointment, Yaya decides it's time to get dressed up in her favorite lavender suit and go to the bar to try to feel normal again! Except that doesn't really work. Instead, she decides it's time to eat a meatball sub! That helps! And so does the peanut butter she eats straight from the jar later. After eating, Yaya goes to sleep. Unfortunately, when Yaya wakes to a notification reminding her about her Sibs appointment with AlphaBeta Pharmaceuticals, she realizes that she has lost an entire day somehow. She decides to skip the appointment instead. She hasn't missed a monthly appointment since she was like 12, so surely it'll be fine. Nope. That definitely wasn't a great idea. 

A team in hazard gear shows up, led by What-Was-Her-Name who it turns out works for AlphaBeta Pharmaceuticals. Because they have history, another hazmat guy takes Yaya into the bathroom to do a gynecological test on her but the teeth don't like it. In fact, the teeth are attached to a giant tentacle that whips out and attacks the guy then sucks back inside. Then Yaya hears it speaking, saying it's scared. Rather than stick around to see what other fresh hells will happen with her talking toothed vagina tentacle, Yaya slips out the bathroom window, maybe spraining something upon landing. 

What-Was-Her-Name, aptly called Doc, helps her toothed vagina tentacled coworker Aziz and discovers a quill or maybe a tooth left behind in his neck. Since their quarry has escaped, Doc decides to go home. She calls in to alert her bosses at AlphaBeta Pharmaceuticals, the Board, of the escape and really the only thing she gets from them is to reacquire the asset. ABP, thanks to the serums and injections they've done on people, essentially owns half of their experiments, like, they have partial ownership of literal people, which definitely isn't a good thing. Doc goes home to find Yaya there, waiting. 

Yaya didn't know where else to go. Obviously she can't go to the doctor or the hospital to treat her injured leg on account of ABP owning her, or technically owning the toothed vagina tentacle, but her leg also seems to kind of healed itself somehow anyway. Yaya asks Doc about what was implanted at her last appointment, or what was in the injections they gave her without permission because they definitely do that at each of her Sibs appointments, but Doc is loyal to ABP and declines to answer. Yaya holds Doc hostage, not really knowing what else to do, and then the toothed vagina tentacle complains that it's hungry and declares it wants peanut butter. When Doc offers the jar, she also tries to sneakily sedate Yaya, but seriously, don't come between a person, or a toothed vagina tentacle, and her peanut butter. The tentacle whips out and says if Doc tries that again, she'll lose a finger, and Yaya says it too. Finally Doc gives up and goes to bed. 

After Doc goes to her room, Yaya feels hot and weird and goes to the bathroom for a cold shower. She realizes that the cleft between her legs is rising much higher than it should. With quite a bit of panic, what with the immense changes to her body and, oh yeah, the toothed vagina tentacle, Yaya thinks about trying to cut out the tentacle. Unfortunately that is a bad idea. The toothed vagina tentacle whips out and starts to strangle Yaya. Doc comes in and, after again, quite a bit of panic what with the toothed vagina tentacle, she tries to calm it. After saying soothing, nurturing things to the tentacle, which now opens like a beautiful magenta flower but with horns and teeth, it calms down and retreats. 

Toothed vagina tentacle now safely stowed back inside Yaya, she goes to bed with Doc, and they proceed to have sex, a three way? because the toothed vagina tentacle is definitely involved. After this intercourse, Yaya and Doc begin calling the toothed vagina tentacle Magenta because it, she, definitely needs a name. The next morning, Yaya’s, or Magenta's, cleft discards a bird skeleton. Yaya demands that Magenta not eat any more animals while she's asleep, or ever really. Doc wakes up and goes to work, promising not to say anything about Magenta or Yaya's whereabouts to ABP.

Not really knowing what to do at Doc’s place all day, Yaya goes for a walk and runs into Bryant, the creepy dudebro guy from the doctor's appointment. Even though she's very not interested in him for sexual reasons and clearly lets him know that, they spend the day together. At his place later, Yaya is forced to watch Fight Club on account of Bryant being a dudebro, but Yaya didn't care for it. Bryant’s like, you just didn't get it babe, but that's because he's a douchebag. Yaya platonically stays the night but decides she wants to leave after Bryant goes to sleep. Unfortunately, she can't leave because the door is locked from the inside. At this point, Yaya and Magenta realize that Bryant is definitely a creep. Magenta wants peanut butter, but Bryant will do instead.

Due to the noise that happens when a dudebro meets and is partially eaten by a toothed vagina tentacle, police come to Bryant’s house. With the keys acquired now, Yaya opens the door and is able to convince the police that she and her boyfriend were just being rowdy. Wink! Being dressed in a towel helps the story, so does the drop of blood that hits the floor from between Yaya's legs. Oops, Yaya got her period! How embarrassing! Better look away officers!

Later, Doc is called to investigate Bryant's house because police returned and they found a quill of some sort in him, like the one Magenta left in Aziz. They also discovered Bryant’s head cracked open like an egg and his brain missing. Doc thinks about Magenta and Yaya and how she really hoped they would have skipped town, but apparently they did not. She half-heartedly agrees to be on the lookout for them. Her associates would prefer to go out looking in a giant terrifying dystopian horror tank and they do. 

Doc goes to the lab where ABP have stored lots of Chimera samples, and there's one that Doc visits all the time. There was a girl who was quite like Yaya and Magenta at a school in Kentucky several years ago when Doc was just getting started with ABP. Unfortunately, things went wildly bad and ABP, and Doc specifically because she's the only one who was allowed to get close, had to terminate the girl and the tentacly dragon monster she became. Now she is in a preservation tank at ABP. Doc wonders if this girl was like Yaya. Were they both injected with something at one of their mandatory appointments that made this happen? Why? Doc thinks it could be hormone related. Do they ask every patient if they are menstruating before injecting them? No. 

Like Yaya and the rest of the Chimeras, Doc has to go to mandatory appointments, too, but her visits are because of the Kentucky incident. Upon putting the chimera down, Doc was exposed to the chemicals used and now she thinks she will probably one day get cancer, but for now she's fine. On her way home, Doc gets a snack from a convenience store and then is accosted in the parking lot. Luckily Yaya and Magenta were following her. Yaya opens her lavender jacket that she's still wearing and lifts her shirt, asking the creep if he wants her instead. Doc sees that Magenta’s mouth cleft comes all the way up nearly to Yaya's collarbone. Rather than be eaten, the creep runs away. Too bad.

After this, Yaya, Magenta and Doc go back to Doc’s place and have sex and then Magenta wants more Big Peanut Butter, aka to eat someone. Wanting to help, Doc goes in search of exes or other creeps but then calls up another Chimera like Yaya, Connie. Connie doesn't have a Magenta… yet? They go to Doc’s apartment that she pretends is a secret lab. Yaya meanwhile is depressed, which she refers to as Stones building up inside her mind. Her Magenta cleft barfs up what's left of Bryant's brain but it doesn't help her depression, and neither does the idea of eating Connie. Doc suggests just eating a little, and so Magenta tries, but somehow Connie burns her. Maybe they aren't supposed to eat each other?

Yaya decides to go to the club and dances with a person she's seen there before several times named Sabin. Yaya tries to take little nibbles off all the dancers in the club like Doc suggested and sends Magenta's tentacles out to do so. Unfortunately, Magenta tries for a nibble of Sabin but uh oh! Sabin is also a Chimera and Magenta gets burned again. Things go horribly awry now with everyone realizing they've been scratched and bitten and the club clears in a panic. Magenta, frustrated, needs big peanut butter. Yaya apologizes as she leaves the club and wanders down the streets until police and the giant ABP tank approaches, shooting Yaya and Magenta. Magenta asks what would you do if you knew you were dying and then Yaya lifts her shirt and unleashes Magenta, but they are struck with a killing amber light.

Doc passes the next few weeks in a sort of haze of minutia. She visits the Kentucky incident tank and then she visits the tank holding the remains of Yaya and Magenta. It's unclear whether the remains are dead or alive, but Doc visits anyway. At her latest visit, she finds other chimeras being experimented on and finds one that she knows, Sabin, from the dance club. All of the chimeras Doc sees on this visit were all injected on the same day with the same stuff that gave Yaya her vagina dentata that became Magenta. Now ABP is trying to create a rejuvenation medication using these chimeras, but they are using them to see how much Magenta will regenerate by feeding them to her, or what's left of her. Bad idea.

Magenta has learned from being burned by Connie and Sabin and absorbs the chimeras instead of eating them. Magenta's mind and body grow with each chimera and they all become one giant amalgamation with Magenta at the helm. With every additional absorption, Magenta cultivates the monster forest that she's creating, aka she becomes a giant horrifying tentacle monster that decides to absorb all the other chimeras and anyone else in her way… except for Doc. 

Magenta goes on a rip roaring rampage of revenge but Doc plans to stop her. Doc at first thinks that reverse engineering the injection that gave Yaya her teeth will stop her, but can't create that in a short amount of time, and time is running out. Doc then contacts the Board seeking access to the INZ9-00 virus. It killed a lot of people years ago, so it might work now, and nothing else can do the job now that Magenta's so big and powerful. After consuming pretty much everyone at ABP minus the Board that are in a secure location, Magenta takes over the entire city, absorbing everyone who doesn't flee. She's able to replicate and repair herself and is basically indestructible. Doc finally acquires the INZ9-00 and finds Yaya, or who Magenta is displaying as Yaya, inside the tentacle forest that Magenta has created. Time to do what she couldn't before and destroy the monster. 

Magenta, sometimes using Yaya’s voice, creates herself a toothy-tentacle throne and points out to Doc that the bosses are still sitting up in their highrise, waiting to see what happens. They are not doing anything to try to stop the rip roaring rampage of revenge and they're probably planning how they can profit from the tentacle monster. Doc tries to stop Magenta with her words, and Magenta tries to convince Doc to join with her. Doc tries to inject her virus but misses, and then Magenta destroys the bosses who have yet to escape. Doc finally gives in and becomes one with the beautiful monster.