The Nefarious Nights of Willowweep Manor

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The Nefarious Nights of Willowweep Manor by Shaenon K. Garrity and Christopher Baldwin

Our Heroine from The Dire Days of Willowweep Manor, Haley, is giving a Physics Presentation through the medium of hand puppet theatre. She tells the story of… The Dire Days of Willowweep Manor! A young heroine is swept from her world to save a gothic manse inhabited by ghosts, brooding male aristocrats, a hermitess, and a cantankerous housekeeper only to find gasket universes, interdimensional threats, and a creature drawing from a collective unconscious. With the universes saved, our intrepid heroine must continue her research. Questions?

Haley’s discovery of the century is clearly unappealing to her teacher and peers. It’s all rather frustrating. After class, Haley meets with Montague, one of our aristocrats from book 1, and they cycle off to adventure and discovery through a rip in dimensions Montague is able to open with a special key that takes them to Willowweep Manor. They make just as the Hermitess, Sibyl, declares something unusual has happened. 

On the highest roof, under a thunderous sky, Sibyl and Wilhelmina make final adjustments to a huge contraption with the rest of the household watching on. The contraption is designed to rescue the residents of another gasket universe. Cuthbert found a letter in a bottle tossed through a dimensional rip seeking help. Everyone except Laurence supports the efforts; to be fair to Laurence, he is the eldest and most brooding of the brothers. With a large crack of lightning, the contraption comes to life, a portal opens and a party of mystery trope characters steps into Willowweep.

Sibyl seems to recognize one of the guests, but pushes Laurence forward as master of the manor to do something. Uggggh. Laurence starts to give a doom-and-gloom introduction but Wilhelmina soon takes over in her usual effervescent style with the others quickly joining in. Cuthbert only has eyes for Jerome the dog, and makes instant BFFs with Crickers who matches Cuthbert's energy and they run off to play fetch, fall off the roof, are saved by the ghost Cecily and are completely unphased. Laurence decides to give a tour of Willowweep. 

Haley and Montague are distracted by their great big piles of books on Gasket universes, Crickers is juggling lit braziers and Miss Meadowsweet wants to rest her bunions. Luckily for Miss Meadowsweet they reach the conservatory. Hang on, Willowweep doesn’t have a conservatory! And where has Sibyl gone? Haley and Montague are working out that their guests aren’t from a gothic universe. It’s time for introductions. Crickers is a fop, Maybury the butler, Miss Meadowsweet a village spinster, Shotcroft a colonel, Miss Harewood a capable young lady, and Jerome a dog. 

While the group mingles over tea and brandy, Sybil is on the roof, muttering cryptic things. On her way down though, Sybil encounters one of the guests and is zapped by a green ray and she disappears, leaving only her book on the ground.

Haley and Miss Harewood are walking around Willowweep. Seems the other gasket universe was attacked by a destructive force like Willowweep, but they called it war not bile. Suddenly, a shriek interrupts them and Haley, being a heroine, races off. 

Haley finds a few of the others in the foyer looking at a dead Jerome, who comes back to life and rolls on the floor. The shriek was Wilhelmina at the thought of cleaning up Jerome’s obvious mess which smells like the inside of a sheep. Delightful. Anyway, it’s late, off to bed everyone! 

The next morning, Haley is woken by another shriek. It’s not Jerome having a stinky roll on the ground this time, but the Colonel with a knife in his back. Maybury starts breakfast while Miss Harewood keeps her head, Miss Meadowsweet examines the body - yes, she has experience - and Crickers calls for the constable. No constabulary or private consultant or detective that will be called because this is a gothic dimension not a mystery dimension where murder is usually at the hands of whoever has gone mad recently or an evil italian. Wilhelmina comes charging in then declares Sybil is gone, but Maybury informs everyone breakfast is served, so it’s time to eat. 

As Crickers is getting excited about kippers, Haley comes in changed from her steampunk interdimensional science adventurer look. She’s sporting a mini-cape, blouse, a long pleated skirt and is carrying Cuthbert’s butterfly magnifying glass. She may not know much about murder mysteries, but she can dress the part and start asking questions. The questions don’t really reveal anything…she's new at this! 

After breakfast and questions, the colonel is carried in an open casket to the new crypt. In typical Willowweep style, it doesn’t go smoothly as Jerome steals the colonel's pipe and runs off through something stinky. Only Laurence, Miss Meadowsweet, and Maybury remain for the interment. Maybury asks Laurence if he needs someone to -KOFF- talk to. You know what, he does. Meanwhile, after chasing Jerome, Haley, Montague, Cuthbert and Wilhelmina go up to the roof to investigate Sybil’s disappearance only to find the inter-dimensional portal machine sabotaged. Maybe it’s all linked! 

Laurence and Maybury are having a talk in the new study - Maybury sitting at a big fancy oak desk, Laurance lying stiffly on a chaise lounge, his knees bent as if in a chair (They do eventually go straight with a giant creeeeeak.). It is Maybury’s opinion that Laurence is on the verge of an absolute crack-up because Laurence is frustrated with the changes to Willowweep accommodating the new people and he’s worried the laws of Willowweep will keep bending until broken. Maybury turns to Laurence’s parents, but he doesn’t recall any, and then inkblot cards. He's definitely cracking-up.

Cuthbert is showing Crickers and Jerome a portal, not the one of the roof, that was a temporary rescue portal, but the one in the manor catacombs. They’re taking it upon themselves to help Haley and become learned experts on mysteries by popping to her universe for books. By jove, that’s genius. Unfortunately, Cuthbert and Crickers fight over who gets to take Jerome for walkies through the portal and a compromise is reached, Cuthbert collects a chicken from the moors and takes the chicken for walkies while Crickers has Jerome.

Back on the grounds of Willowweep, Haley and Cecily are looking for clues when they hear a blood-curdling scream. It looks like Miss Meadowsweet was nearly hit by a falling grotesque (not a gargoyle!). Miss Meadowsweet is unphased, distressed by the nuisance bindweed all over the gardens, but otherwise unphased. Miss Harewood, however, suspects the falling grotesque (not a gargoyle!) wasn’t an accident. Haley makes notes, though Miss Harewood is less than impressed by Haley’s detective skills. Haley pines for some mystery books to learn from. Meanwhile, Cuthbert and Crickers have reached the public library and locate mystery books with assistance of a very helpful librarian. 

Deciding that since she doesn’t have any mystery books to learn from, she will read the universe manuals, Haley and Montague head to the new conservatory where they were last seen. The books are gone but they find a bloody knife. Still wanting helpful books, they head to the catacombs for the spare manuals, they can always pop to Haley’s universe through the portal there. This is where they encounter Cuthbert and Crickers coming back with their stacks of library books and the Librarian's pen. How very responsible of them. Shame it lasts all of ten seconds as the portal key flies out of Cuthbert's hands and is swallowed by Jerome.  

In the hermitage, Haley, Montague, Cuthbert, Cecily, and Wilhelmina are trying to work out what is going on, especially now that Laurence is missing too. Thanks to the books, Cuthbert seems to have a grasp on mysteries declaring the butler may be their prime suspect and rushes off to find Crickers and begin interrogations. Haley has a list of questions, clues and suspects - essentially everything and everyone new but the Willowweep lot are starting to give each other the side-eye. Well this is no good. They agree to at least start looking for Laurence and reading through all the books, it’s the only sensible thing to do. That’s when a loud AWOOOOOOOO! rents the air. All but Wilhelmina and the chicken race to the manor to investigate, they stay to read the books. 

At the manor, they find Cuthbert and Crickers playing good cop, bad cop interrogating Jerome tied up in a chair, a spotlight on him. He’s either a tough cookie to crack or a good doggo because he’s giving nothing away. Haley suggests they continue but with people - if anyone can break someone down, it’s them. The whole situation is frustrating for Cecily who floats through the roof and out. As she floats outside pining, she spots someone familiar. Before Cecily can say their name, she’s VVVPed by the green light Sybil was zapped with. 

As it’s getting late, Cuthbert and Crickers decide to start interrogations the following day. On their way to bed, they find Jerome at the bottom of the stairs rolling in the stinky spot again, and Haley and Montague searching for Cecily. The only other person there is a cat burglar dressed in head to toe black carrying a large brown sack. With ninja-like skill they make a run for it. Ineptly, everyone gives chase and nearly suffer death by falling chandelier. Unfortunately, just as Haley reaches the top of the stairs, Maybury, Miss Meadowsweet, and Miss Harewood step through and none are dressed like the cat burglar as they are in their bedclothes. Crickers appears behind his fellow mystery chums and suggests rarebit. When asked where he’s been, it turns out Willowweep now has a billiard room. 

In the billiard room, Haley and her fellow gothic tropes are still befuddled and no closer to finding out what is going on. No worries, Cuthbert and Crickers decide that the billiard room is the perfect headquarters for Cuthbert & Crickers: INTERROGGGGATIONS! 

Needless to say, their interrogations, though revealing in some ways, do not help the case. Miss Meadowsweet and Miss Harewood claim they were robbed, and didn’t see anything, neither did Maybury and all have an alibi. On the other hand, Wilhelmina has found that Willowweep is shaped by Haley’s universe and the residents in the Gasket universe, so it’s reshaping to fit the new people. The conservatory appeared for Miss Meadowsweet, the crypt for Colonel Shotcroft, the billiard room for Crickers, the study for Maybury and the stinky spot for Jerome. Haley realizes Willowweep has never made a place for her. It’s very late so time to rest, however, when Haley goes to her room, she notices the letter in a bottle from the mystery dimension's call for help. Pulling the cork, Haley notices a message BE-WA-RE THE-MA-RCH-ER. What is going on? 

Thankfully there are no new murders in the morning, but at least there is breakfast. The meal comes with entertainment in the form of Jerome stealing a full link of sausages causing Cuthbert, Crickers and the chicken to chase after him. On her way down to breakfast, Haley runs into Miss Harewood and loudly tells her the book she is carrying is not important. Miss Harewood tells her she trusts no one, not even the fellows from her dimension, and though Haley has not impressed her, she needs her help. Miss Meadowsweet then suddenly appears so Haley walks off with her book that is not important oh go on then I’ll tell you it’s everything about Willowweep - how to control and destroy it, ooh, best hide it here on the bookshelf in this study. Weirdly all the books in the study are children’s books. Double weirdly, outside the study, a giant hole in the fabric of reality has appeared. And this is happening in other parts of Willowweep! GASP! 

Miss Meadowsweet points out that these holes are what happened before her dimension collapsed. It’s only happening to the gothic areas and the disappearances are only of the original residents. Time to round up the suspects! Wilhelmina will not be joining them though because she was zapped in the hermitage. The mysterious villain then picks up the Willowweep manual, disregarding the mystery books as useless to the Marching Society. 

Meanwhile, in the new study, the cat burglar returns, only Haley is waiting for them and unmasks the fiend. It’s Miss Harewood! GASP! Miss Harewood tries to turn the tables and insists she knew it was a trap, that she was actually there to find the murderer not be the murderer. Together they walk through a quickly disappearing Willowweep and Miss Harewood explains she learnt her new skills from her dimension’s top cat burglar before he died in the war. Those skills helped her find her room in Willowweep, a library with a chaise lounge hidden behind a suit of armor. The best room! A room she was able to hide the Willowweep manuals in before the Marcher could get them. Ah! That explains the mysterious message on the bottle cork, and that Miss Harewood was the one who placed it in Haley’s room. 

Miss Harewood fills in some of the blanks and shares about The War. Miss Harewood's unit is depleted further when one is murdered and the other is exposed as a mad ripper. Even the tea isn’t solving the problem that it looks like they’re the last ones left. Miss Harewood and Miss Meadowsweet found a portal machine while scavenging but it was barely working. Colonel Shotcroft decides a concise note is needed which Miss Harewood pens back at base. As she’s finishing the task, the mad ripper bursts in telling her he’s innocent, that there is actually a Marcher assassinating them and he found evidence: a pamphlet “Handbook to the Tidy Universe Chowder and Marching Society.” As he’s dragged away, Miss Harewood starts to think. The distress message in a bottle was sent and here they are now. Miss Harewood pulls the pamphlet from her pocket. 

The marching society is bent on simplifying reality. They infiltrate a gasket universe and destroy it from within, and if successful, they escape into another and start again. Miss Harewood then hands Haley a book she found in the conservatory. Gasket Universe Content Retrieval. But it’s blank. Sigh. Cuthbert and Crickers are better investigators at this point. Speaking of, they’re in a sticky situation. Willowweep has been disappearing at an alarming rate, and they’re in the foyer which is a patchwork of holes. Deciding they need to start from the beginning, after a bit of a think, Cuthbert declares, THE BUTLER DID IT! 

The butler, Maybury, is with Montague in another part of Willowweep. Of course they’re separated from the others, it’s a commonly used plot turn. When they open the doors, Montague sees the graveyard in the distance, but in between are only small patches of ground, the rest has disappeared. Montague wants to go outside and look for Haley, but Maybury won’t allow it and pulls a cool jujitsu move on the young aristocrat pinning him to the ground.  

As Maybury is holding Montague down, Miss Meadowsweet knocks him out with a pot of chrysanthemums. They put the unconscious butler in the conservatory which is where Haley and Miss Harewood find them, and a few moments later, Cuthbert, Crickers and Jerome declaring the butler did it! Miss Meadowsweet makes a celebratory pot of tea and they tie Maybury up with zero real evidence. Well, he’s been fussing over Montague and Cuthbert, was the last person to see Laurence, and the books in his study are odd. Strangely, everyone starts to feel sleepy. It has been a long day and a nap does sound good… Miss Meadowsweet has drugged them. 

Maybury, tied up and helpless, can only watch as Miss Meadowsweet approaches, digging in her handbag for something. However, Haley springs up and uses her trusty umbrella to prod Miss Meadowsweet. She only pretended to drink the tea. Miss Meadowsweet flings the bloody knife at Hayley which she dodges but Miss Meadowsweet pulls a gun from her handbag and zaps Montague out of existence. As Montague disappears, huge chunks of Willowweep go too and Miss Meadowsweet walks away. Mystery solved? 

Haley frees Maybury with the bloody knife and leaves him to look after slumbering Cuthbert, Crickers, Miss Harewood and Jerome, but realizes, after licking it, it’s not blood on the knife, it’s strawberry jam! Haley knows exactly where to go. Jerome and the chicken want to help so they tag along as Haley crosses the broken and disappearing ground to the crypt. Of course it starts to rain. Thankfully though, they make it across. 

At the crypt, Jerome dashes ahead and seemingly distracts Miss Meadowsweet but Miss Meadowsweet isn’t alone, Colonel Shotcroft sneaks up to Haley hiding in the shadows and swings his cane at her. As Haley delivers her deduction, Shotcroft pauses his attack. It’s only polite when there is exposition. Miss Meadowsweet gave Colonel Shotcroft the same tea she served tonight, she stopped Miss Harewood from examining his body and finding out he was still alive and that the blood is really jam. They’ve been working together! It was Shotcroft who pushed the grotesque (not a gargoyle!) and they took turns zapping the other Willowweep residents. 

Miss Meadowsweet and Colonel Shotcroft don’t bargain on Haley having back up. Cuthbert’s chicken lands on Miss Meadowsweet’s face, flapping furiously and giving Haley the opportunity to escape into the crypt and bar the door with her trusty umbrella. Inside she sees a strange halo-like contraption and has a think. Maybe she’s in both a gothic story and a mystery story, so she pushes back the tomb lid to reveal a hidden passage. Dashing down and then along the dark and spooky corridor, Haley falls through a hidden door into the new study. 

Colonel Shotcroft is not far behind Haley and as he attacks her, the cat burglar leaps out of nowhere distracting him. They struggle together a moment before Miss Harewood reveals her identity with the jammy knife at her throat. Shotcroft attempts to recruit her, but Miss Harewood won’t have it. The fight begins again, Haley and Miss Harewood manage to hold him down, but unfortunately, Miss Meadowsweet enters the study with her gun trained on her hostage, Cuthbert, the last resident of Willowweep Manor. There is a stalemate until Maybury climbs through the door. He orders Miss Meadowsweet to unhand his son (GASP!) before doing a cool leg sweep. Miss Meadowsweet falls and drops her gun which zaps Maybury from existence. Oops. 

Crickers suddenly appears which is useful as Cuthbert needs his bestest person friend to cling to as he reels from finding his daddy and losing him in a matter of seconds. Shotcroft uses this scene as a chance to break from Haley and Miss Harewood, he’s murderously mad no one is keeping anything simple - everything is messy and preposterous! As he goes to attack Cuthbert, Haley tackles him from behind, and they fall out the door into the white void. 

Thankfully Cuthbert grabbed Haley, and Crickers grabbed Cuthbert, and Miss Harewood grabbed Crickers so Haley is dangling in the void with Shotcroft keeping a tight hold of her wrist. Miss Harewood begs for Miss Meadowsweet’s help, but the spinster just drops her gun. Jerome however, is the goodest dog and drops a human skull on Colonel Shotcroft’s head, causing him to let go of Haley and fall to his doom in the white void. Free of the Colonel’s weight, they pull Haley up. Huzzah! 

As Haley catches her breath flicking through the blank pages of Gasket Universe Content Retrieval, something suddenly hits her. Not physically, thank goodness, but an idea. She knows what to do! Crickers hands Haley the pen he took from the librarian and Haley begins writing. She pens a tale set on a dark and stormy night at Willowweep Manor with all the original residents and the new ones written in. When Haley looks up from the book, Montague and the others are there, Willowweep Manor is rebuilt, and everyone has their place, stinky spot and all. 

Later, Sybil explains how she built a temporary portal before looking for heirs to Willowweep. A man recently widowed from his universe's regular killing sprees offered his three sons so they would have a chance at a better life. Maybury was that man, Laurence, Cuthbert and Montague are his sons. It’s a touching reunion. As is Sybil and Wilhelmina’s, the latter refusing to let go of her lady love. 

Sadly, since Haley gave her tower room up as a prison for Miss Meadowsweet, she doesn’t have a bedroom and therefore feels like she must say goodbye to everyone. Miss Harewood and Cecily have other plans. They drag Haley outside, everyone else following, to the Gatehouse and a room that’s always been there and is now the rightful place of the Guardian of Willowweep Manor.