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The Princess and the Grilled Cheese Sandwich




the book The Princess and the Grilled Cheese Sandwich next to Nintendo Switch joycons and a delicious grilled cheese sandwich on a wooden serving board

At Count Camembert’s estate in Gougère, the servants are listening to Count Camembert berate his daughter for turning down the proposal of yet another perfectly fine young man in possession of a fortune. To be fair, he was gross and had absolutely no style at all, but to be fair, all four suitors have been gross, and actually, no male suitor will do because Lady Camembert doesn’t like men and her father knows this.  Count Camembert lets his daughter know that he is dying and has been pushing marriage on her to secure her future because a woman alone cannot inherit, and so she needs a husband. Count Camembert knows the law is nonsensical and ridiculous, and he wants his daughter to be happy, so he proposes another way. If Lady Camembert is unwilling to marry a man, she must become one. Upon her father's imminent death, Lady Camembert must disguise herself as his son and lead a quiet life, drawing no attention to herself. All servants but Feta, the one who has been with her since she was a baby, should be dismissed, her dresses should be burned, she should move to the capital, Fondue, and spare no expense ensuring her disguise is convincing. She will become Count Camembert.


It’s a fine plan, however there is one drawback, Cam is bored senseless. Feta, ever cautious and protective of Cam, insists they stick to her father’s plan. Cam can’t take it anymore though and puts on her fake sideburns to go out, flat out refusing to cut her hair to help her disguise. On the completely harmless walk, Cam spots a poster advertising the No Fur Ball, hosted by Crown Princess Brie. Cam is enthralled and Feta is unimpressed, but there is nothing that is going to stop Cam from going. Cam has wanted to meet the princess for years and this is her opportunity. Despite her worries, Feta agrees to help Cam, it’s the most she’s smiled in months. 


At the Royal Palace of Fromage, Cam makes THE entrance! Everyone is talking about his outfit but they think he’ll be arrested for it. When Princess Brie spots him, it looks like that might be true as she is fuming! When Princess Brie calls him out for wearing fur at a no fur ball, can he not read!? Cam corrects her misinterpretation. He is wearing a white faux fur wrap that looks and feels like mink, an innovative new material developed by Maison De Gorgonzola from his hometown. Flirting outrageously, Cam offers Brie a feel of the wrap and admits to being a fan of her activism for years. Brie is somewhat discombobulated by Cam and the wrap and storms off. 


A few days later, Feta wakes Cam by smacking her with the newspaper with Cam’s face all over the front page. While Feta is raging and worried Cam’s secret will be found out, Cam is blasé about the whole thing, but excited to read that Maison De Gorgonzola has opened a shop in Fondue. What Cam has failed to see is the huge pile of letters and invitations, everyone wants Mr. Faux Fur at their events. Cam finally understands Feta’s worry. Cam has the right to have a life, but she also realizes she may have gone a tiny bit overboard and will lie low until things blow over. Two weeks later…yeah, no. It’s the exact opposite, if anything it’s gotten worse. Surely amongst all the invitations is something low-key Cam can attend. As Cam runs off to get ready, Feta realizes the letter is from the palace. Camembert, no!


Cam heads to the palace where Princess Brie is having tea with Lady Ricotta, an old friend spills the tea that Brie has talked about him non-stop, and new acquaintance Lady Gorgonzola, who has been running Maison De Gorgonzola since her husband passed. Cam is a huge fan of Lady Gorgonzola’s work and is awestruck. Since Lady G is also from Gougère and her husband was often in business with Count Camembert, she knows that the old Count never had any sons, but before she can let that slip, Princess Brie’s pup Gouda interrupts. Phew! 


Princess Brie has invited Cam and Lady Gorgonzola to help organize her next event. Rather than telling high society what not to do, she wants to show them that fashion doesn’t need to involve harming animals. A second ball would be gauche, so Lady Gorgonzola suggests a runway show, but that’s too obvious. Cam, however, suggests an exhibit with models standing on pedestals as if they were sculptures with plaques describing their outfits, with the bonus that lesser known brands will be elevated to fine art. Genius! They celebrate with food and Cam is overjoyed to see grilled cheese sandwiches amongst the goodies. Cam loves grilled cheese.


When Cam gets home, Feta is in a foul mood and fully expects to see Cam’s face across the front page of the newspapers with the crown Princess of Fondue. Feta also doesn’t seem to share Cam’s enthusiasm about meeting Lady Gorgonzola and how she’s a woman running a business. Feta’s mood goes from unamused to angry when Cam tells her about helping to organize the fashion exhibit. It seems Cam has forgotten what the phrase “low profile” means. 


Cam works with Brie, Ricotta and Gorgonzola to put the exhibit together, finding the right pieces and models, putting together floor plans, interceding when things become heated, and later being a cushion for the exhausted princess to fall asleep on. When Cam gets home at 7 am after “sleeping with” the princess, Feta, who was worried sick, realizes Cam has a crush on the Princess. Wh-whaaaaaat?! That’s ridiculous! Ah-ha…ha-ha! Cam is not convincing anyone, particularly Feta who seems to have broken with this realization. 


Cam takes this opportunity while Feta is stunned to ask her to model in the upcoming exhibit, they want natural looking people, not the carbon copies the agencies keep sending them, and she instantly thought of Feta. Feta, seeing that they’re all doomed anyway, agrees. On the day of the exhibit, Feta looks amazing in her sage green gown and finally gets to meet Brie. She also sees how Cam and Brie interact and she realizes it’s no itty-bitty crush Cam has on the princess. 


The fashion exhibit goes off without a hitch. Brie, Ricotta and Cam are ready to toast their huge success while Gorgonzola is stunned with the amount of orders she has and rushes home to get to work. Ricotta soon follows, and Feta collects a very reluctant-to-leave Cam leaving Brie confused as to why Feta was so insistent. When Cam and Feta get home, Cam doesn’t let Feta speak. She insists it’s a small crush, she isn’t foolish enough to think they could ever be more than friends, and a friend is what Brie is. 


The following morning, Brie confesses to Ricotta that she has feelings for Cam. Ricotta is fine being woken up early for gossip, and when Brie admits something happened the night before, her eyes go wide with intrigue. Unfortunately it wasn’t kissing as Ricotta and Gorgonzola had hoped, it was that Cam left with Feta, it feels like Cam wants to get closer but is actively avoiding her, but why? As interesting as living under a fake identity might be, it's also an absurd speculation and more likely that Cam’s rank is too low to  marry a Princess. 


Later, Cam meets up with Brie and Ricotta to go shopping. Gorgonzola is too busy and too frazzled with all the new orders to attend. As Cam is looking at the new Guccheese winter collection, Ricotta reminds Brie to come on to Cam heavy, FLIRT MODE ON! Brie asks about Guccheese, and Cam is a font of information and is passionate about the fashion house and its collections. In the end, Brie offers to give Cam a tour of her closet including the vintage Cheddior while Ricotta is giving her the thumbs up in the background. Yey! Grilled cheese to celebrate!


On Thursday, Cam heads to the palace. With Gorgonzola. No! That wasn’t Brie’s flirty plan, but there is the promise of vintage Cheddior, you can’t keep Gorgonzola away. As kind as Cam’s invitation was to Gorgonzola to give her a break from work, Brie wanted time alone and pours her heart and tears out to Ricotta later. Ricotta suggests Brie trick him, but Brie wants their relationship to develop organically. Surely patience will win? Nope. The trip to the cinema, the snowball fight, the arm wrestling, and the afternoon tea are all accompanied by their friends and end with Cam leaving early. Yeah, Brie is going to have to trick Cam into being for her, it’s the only way. Brie is just going to propose to Cam next time they’re alone. What?! Ricotta was thinking courtship! Brie loves Cam, and she knows he feels the same way so it makes sense. Brie has won Ricotta over and she agrees to help however she can. 


One day Cam heads to brunch at the palace and Ricotta takes her leave, not exactly smoothly, but it leaves Brie and Cam alone. At last. Seductively, Brie asks Cam, “what do you say we have grilled cheese sandwiches with a side of tomato soup?” Despite the hearts in the eyes, Cam declines. Apparently  Feta is feeling competitive with the palace grilled cheese and already fed him today. As Cam is sheepishly admitting this, Cam brushes his hair behind his ear, taking with it the fake sideburn. Brie sees it and ends their brunch immediately. In the privacy of her rooms, Brie realizes the truth: Cam is a girl!


Feta is shocked Cam is home so early and agrees that Brie kicking her out was weird. As Cam is saying she is kind of worried, Feta notices Cam’s sideburn is missing. Ah, crud, Cam must stop playing with her hair. Feta leaves to buy more nail polish and sideburn glue leaving Cam to think. Meanwhile at the palace, Brie is lost in her own thoughts. The next day Cam doesn’t receive an invitation to brunch at the palace which makes her worry more. Feta makes her grilled cheese to cheer her up. 


Days go by with Cam sitting by the mailbox, hiding in her blanket, feeling overly confident and crying into her grilled cheese, but still, there are no invites. Finally, when Cam has retreated to her bed, a letter is delivered from Gorgonzola. She’s having an event to unveil her new collection, and at first Cam is reluctant to go until Feta points out Brie might be there. 


There is a crowd outside Maison De Gorgonzola. As Cam is asking Gorgonzola if she’s seen Brie, as it’s been over a month for him and he’s worried he upset her, Brie walks in looking stunning. Cam tries to kiss her hand, but Brie pulls back. Brie’s slight toward Cam is super obvious and Gorgonzola asks what is the matter. Brie denies everything, but Gorgonzola calls them both terrible liars. Anyway, the big event must continue. 


After, as Brie, Cam and a few others are talking about Cam’s entrance at the No Furs Ball, Brie makes some snappish comments clearly upset with Cam despite her denial. When the comments turn hurtful, Gorgonzola shuts the Princess up and calls an end to the evening. Gorgonzola clearly knows Cam is pretending to be a boy and is hurt by Brie’s behavior. When Cam returns home, Feta is playing Switch and as she takes off her boy disguise, she tells Feta that Brie does hate her, she made it abundantly clear, but it’s okay, it will help her get over her crush. Cam is calmly resigned as she heads to bed. 


At the palace the next day, Gorgonzola calls Brie out about how she treated Cam and how it’s plain to everyone they have feelings for each other. Brie is reluctant to talk about it but Gorgonzola is relentless, especially when the reputation of a friend is at stake. Brie kicks Gorgonzola out before having a good ole cry. Meanwhile, Cam has entered her dark pit of despair era. She’s playing Switch in her bedroom with the curtains closed, her makeup smeared across her face, is blasting breakup music, and has half eaten snack food and other detritus everywhere. Gorgonzola has written to Cam, but she refuses to read the letter. Feta however won’t take no as an answer and drags Cam out of her pit to go shopping after a much needed shower. 


Unfortunately Feta’s plan backfires almost immediately as they run into Princess Brie. Unexpectedly Brie apologizes to Cam for her recent rude behavior and asks Cam to her upcoming ball. She would have apologized sooner but she’s been busy, what with planning the ball, diplomatic trips and likely getting engaged to the Duke of Brussels Sprout soon. WHAT?! Cam is able to keep her broken heart together until she and Feta get home. Hopeless and heartsick, Cam takes to her bed. 


At the palace, Brie is having tea with Gorgonzola, who spits it out when Brie tells her she is likely going to be engaged to the Duke of Brussels Sprout soon. Gorgonzola knows Sprout is the most boring man and declares a political alliance is no reason to marry despite the King's desires. Brie is a terrible liar and it’s obvious she’s choosing to marry Sprout because of Cam. Once the servants have been dismissed for privacy, Gorgonzola tells Brie she knows Cam is a girl. 


Meanwhile, Ricotta stumbles upon Cam sitting alone in the park. Ricotta, who has been away for a while, is under the impression the wedding preparations must be taking a toll on Cam. Ricotta is quickly corrected in her misinterpretation by Cam breaking down in floods of tears. Ricotta didn’t know that Cam and Brie weren’t getting married, but that Brie is marrying Brussels Sprout instead.


Back at the palace, Gorgonzola reminds Brie she is from Gougère too and knew Count Camembert never had any sons and says that Cam has done a terrible job keeping her identity a secret really. Besides, snitches get stitches and it wasn’t her secret to tell. Brie, now that the shock of finding out has gone, appreciates that there must be a good reason for Cam’s deception and wants to stay friends. Friends? Friends! Regardless of Cam being a man or a woman, Brie is in love with them!


At the park, Ricotta can’t believe her ears; Brussels Sprout is the single most boring man who has ever lived, Cam doesn’t even remember him even though he’s been at every event. Ricotta thought Brie was proposing the day of their last brunch, but she hasn’t heard from her the entire time she’s been away. Back at home, Cam throws a Guccheese vest on the floor and declares she wants to live on a desert island in seclusion with only her clothes. Cam tells Feta what Ricotta told her about the planned proposal. It’s all a confusing complicated chaotic mess. 


Ricotta is venting to Gorgonzola as the fashion designer is creating a new design. Ricotta is sure Cam rejecting the grilled cheese threw Brie off her proposal and that’s the reason for this whole debacle… sure. But to whiplash and go for Brussels Sprout, it makes no sense, politics be damned. Ricotta is going to meddle. Gorgonzola, knowing the full truth and knowing both Brie and Cam are stubborn, will not help meddle.  


Ricotta sends letter after letter to Cam and each goes ignored, so eventually she turns up on Cam’s doorstep but she’s in her room getting ready. Her boobies are on show! Thankfully Ricotta is being the opposite of stealthy and Cam is able to quickly get dressed, though poor Feta chased Ricotta the whole way, trying to stop her from seeing Cam’s boobies. Ricotta is not happy that Cam is planning on moving away and that she found out at the palace when Cam noted it on the RSVP. So, Cam is just running away and not fighting for Brie. Cam tells Ricotta to mind her own business and escorts her out. Ta-Ta! 


At the palace, Gorgonzola is making the finishing touches to Brie’s ball gown. Despite it being a breathtaking creation, Brie is sad. Gorgonzola packs up her things and starts to leave, but she can’t not say something. Gorgonzola tells Brie she is the most powerful woman in the kingdom and is throwing away happiness. She was once stuck in a loveless marriage of convenience with no rights to own a business because she is a woman and no way to showcase her talent except through her husband who took all the accolades. It was no way to live, but it was the least miserable option she had and likely Cam is in the same situation. There will be plenty of people less fortunate doing the exact same things, but Brie has the power to actually do something to change the system. 


It’s the day of the ball and nobody is getting ready with any enthusiasm. The ball guests notice how sad Brie is looking despite an engagement being a traditionally happy event. Gorgonzola and Ricotta are busy drinking champagne and wondering where Cam is. Speaking of, Cam makes a dramatic, if slightly subdued, entrance, easily upstaging Sprout. All heads turn toward Cam as he greets Brie. Brie asks to speak to Cam in private so they head to the balcony. As Brie is gathering her thoughts, Cam nervously plays with his hair causing the sideburn to come off again. Brie puts it back in place and tells Cam that’s how she figured it out. Cam instantly starts to fret. Feta is sitting at home surrounded by moving boxes knowing something is wrong, so she grabs her coat and heads to the ball. 


On the balcony, Cam is panicking, made worse when she’s told Gorgonzola figured it out ages ago. Brie reassures her, no one is going to jail and no one is going to tell. As Cam pours her heart out to Brie, Brie takes her face in her hands and kisses her. Which is, of course, interrupted by a servant looking for the Princess. THERE IS NOTHING TO SEE HERE. Brie heads back inside leaving a dazed Cam on the balcony. 


Inside, Feta has arrived and found Ricotta and Gorgonzola. A wobbly Cam soon joins them. Suddenly Brussels Sprout clinks his glass for attention. Ricotta tells Cam that only she can stop what is about to happen. Cam drags Feta to the kitchen and tells her she needs to make a grilled cheese, she has a proposal to hijack! As Brussels Sprout witters on, using notes, Ricotta grabs Gouda from a servant and tells the pup to find mommy. Gouda does not like Brussels Sprout and causes a ruckus.


In the kitchen, Cam is doing a horrible job of making the grilled cheese so Feta takes over. This grilled cheese is too important and no one needs the palace kitchen to go up in flames. In the ballroom, Gouda has proven once again to be a good doggo, 14/10 would use her to interrupt the world's most boring and unromantic proposal again. As the heckling starts, Brussels Sprout gets down on one knee, pulls out a box with an engagement ring and asks Brie to marry him.


As Brie opens her mouth to give Brussels Sprout an answer, Cam stuffs the grilled cheese sandwich in. Their eyes lock. Sprout is a forgotten pile on the floor. As the Duke protests, Brie tells him “no” and the servants drag him away. Cam gets down on one knee then, kisses Brie’s hand and while Brie eats her grilled cheese sandwich, she proposes. In answer, Brie gets down on her knee and proposes to Cam. They gather each other up and cry and kiss and keep telling each other I love you. The proposal is the talk of the kingdom. As is the Princess's announcement to reform inheritance law. 


It’s the wedding day! Gorgonzola, of course designed the wedding outfits, Ricotta is dying to see Brie’s dress and wonders if Cam will be in a proper tux, but Gorgonzola and Feta have a giggle at that. The bridal music starts, but hang on, why is Cam not already at the front? Gouda is the flower pup, walking down the aisle before Brie steps out looking ethereal in her white and pink gown. Cam meets Brie at the top of the aisle looking exquisite in her black and silver gown. Holding hands, they walk down the aisle together and the truth finally clicks for Ricotta.


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