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Lore Olympus

Check out our episode here! Lore Olympus by Rachel Smythe

Hades is on his way to a party at the Panathenaea and is supposed to be going with his sort of girlfriend, the nymph Minthe. She treats him like dirt and refuses to be seen in public with him, so she won’t be going. The fact that she doesn’t come upsets no one, but Hades is just tired of being by himself. Meanwhile, over at Artemis’ place, she and Persephone are getting ready for the same party.

Zeus, Poseidon and Hades are standing around talking when they spot Odysseus bump into someone, it’s Persephone. While Poseidon goes all crazy over Odysseus, Zeus fills a stunned Hades in on who Persephone is, daughter of Demeter and Goddess of Spring. He is mesmerized by her, remarking that he thinks she puts Aphrodite to shame. This is overheard by the Goddess of Beauty who texts her son Eros to help her exact revenge. Unwillingly, Eros comes to the party at his mother’s insistence and gets Persephone super wasted.

Aphrodite’s grand revenge plan is to hide Persephone in Hades’ car and, when he finds her there, he will be grossed out and it will be really embarrassing for everyone. Really, Aphrodite’s plan is the embarrassing thing but it sort of works insofar that Hades finds a passed out drunk Persephone. However, Hades is a perfect gentleman and carries her to a guest room in his house, apologizes for manhandling her and puts her to bed after taking her shoes off. While she’s passed out, Persephone dreams of her mother locking her in a greenhouse.

When Persephone wakes, her hair has grown ridiculously long (this happens during periods of high emotion and is a really good way of telling the story without words). Getting out of bed, Persephone begins to explore. Hades’ library is magnificent, his pool is pretentious and his three-headed dog is bearing its teeth at her. Hades finds Persephone as Cerberus is sniffing her, but she isn’t afraid because Cerberus is putty in her hands. Such a very good boy. Cerberus is one of seven dogs Hades has, there is also Cordon Bleu, Mushroom, Russell, J.P., Fudge and Big John.

Things start to heat up through intense staring and mild hand touching. This causes Persephone to suddenly grow a flower crown (another visual sign of positive emotion) and she suddenly realizes she’s still in her little white dress from the night before and the Underworld is a bit chilly. Hades gives her the most beautiful, cloud-looking coat, the one he tried to give Hera for her birthday which she rudely declined, but Persephone loves it so it’s her gain.

As Hades is preparing them coffee, Minthe calls and Persephone asks who she is, erm… just an associate, yes that’s the polite way of saying lover… At this point, the panel cuts to Minthe who is getting increasingly angry and insulted because she’s been sent to voicemail. Ha. Hades and Persephone’s awkward flirting continues when they debate Hades' scoundrel percentage. He’s an Olympian King so it’s to be expected, but at 30%, that’s pretty low. They exchange business cards, Hades' is very professional Vista Prints and Persephone’s is handmade showing her name as Kore. Hades even tells her the truth about calling her beautiful the night before, but Persephone doesn’t believe him. As they leave the Underworld, Persephone at the wheel of one of Hades’ luxury cars, a paparazzi takes their picture.

Artemis is waiting for Persephone to come home and is none too pleased that Persephone is with Hades and drags her inside, calling Hades a pervert as the door slams. Inside, Persephone tells Artemis nothing happened, she doesn’t need to worry, and Hades didn’t touch her seven times. Nope. After a haircut and a shower, Artemis gives Persephone her old phone, and Persephone loves it as her mother forbade her from having one. As they’re taking really cute selfies, there's a knock at the door. It’s Eros and he’s brought apology doughnuts.

Reluctantly, Artemis allows Eros into her home. He explains what happened the night before at the party and, being the God of Love, Eros can totally tell that Persephone is crushing on Hades and he is loving it! Artemis, though, wants to know why Eros did it because he isn’t Aphrodite’s mindless thug. He explains that the same situation happened before except it was with a mortal woman, Psyche. When investigating Psyche, Eros found a very sad and lonely woman who was abused by her parents and was forced to marry an old abusive man. To save Psyche, Eros disguised himself as a monster and took her away. They lived happily for a time together, but she didn’t know who he really was and their home was really just a nicer prison for her. Eventually, Eros let Psyche’s sisters visit and they poisoned Psyche’s mind and made her doubt Eros, giving her a dagger to strike him down. Though Psyche couldn’t kill Eros, he found her standing over him with a dagger at the ready. This broke Eros’s heart and he fled to his mother who agreed to deal with Psyche for him.

Artemis calls bullshit and while arguing with Eros, Persephone sends Hades a text, “Hey, it’s me! I got a phone 😄”. Eros tries to get the saucy details out of Persephone, but there are none. Well, there is the coat which flips Eros’s lid and inspires him to take Persephone shopping <<insert Pretty Woman style montage here>>. All through the trip, Persephone keeps checking her phone for a reply from Hades, but there isn’t one. Outside the store, Apollo is waiting for the threesome with his big, shiny, golden chariot sportscar.

Meanwhile, in the Underworld, Hades keeps ignoring Minthe’s calls and deleting her voicemails; he also ignores a text from an unknown number as the sender didn’t put their name on the message. Hades is off to brunch with his brothers again, though the establishment is none too pleased to admit them. They have a history of being rowdy, pervy, or poaching good employees but eventually they are seated with Zeus and Poseidon grilling Hades about his night with the Goddess. Though there is nothing really to tell, Hades’ feelings toward Persephone are VERY clear. He admits he almost proposed to Minthe too, which Zeus and Poseidon are very much against. Minthe is literally the meanest nymph they’ve ever met. As they’re considering the logistics of a physical relationship between Hades, super tall, and Persephone, itty-bitty, Hera appears and she looks super pissed.

Hera is friends with Persephone, and has been since Persephone was little. Hera is angry they’re talking about Persephone like common sailors, but Zeus defends them saying it’s not wrong to want his brother to have someone nice. Hera raises a skeptical eyebrow and shows them a post on Facebook of Persephone with Apollo #Blessed. The panel shows Apollo posting the picture and while he looks happy, Persephone looks uncomfortable. Hades doesn’t like the image and tells Hera he knows he is not entitled to Persephone and walks off.

Outside the shopping mall, Apollo is posing with his car trying to act cool. Hermes is with him however, and he knows Persephone, so he just bounds over like a giant goofball for a hug. Artemis introduces Apollo and when he takes Persephone’s hand, he holds it a little too long. In the car journey back to Artemis’s place, Apollo tells Persephone that the only reason Hades was nice to her was to get into her pants. Apollo is a disgusting pig. Persephone doesn’t like Apollo and tries to avoid him, but unfortunately while making dinner, she slips and cuts her hand pretty badly. Apollo, also being the God of Healing, helps her which softens Persephone’s opinion of him. This is when Apollo whips his phone out takes some awkward selfies with Persephone and makes the post Hades saw #Blessed.

Throughout the evening, Persephone is distracted, thinking about Hades and wishing he would text back. Eventually Persephone heads to bed. Not long after, Apollo sneaks into her room and into her bed. He initiates an intimacy and Persephone is flattered at first, but doesn’t really want it. He thinks Persephone has been flirting with him all evening and forces himself onto Persephone and takes pictures of her throughout.

After Apollo leaves, Persephone hopes others can’t see what has happened on her face. She has no one she can talk to. Desperate and alone, with tears streaming down her face, she sends off a text to Hades, “I’m sure you’re really busy. I just wanted to thank you for the coat. Take care.” Within seconds of sending, her phone lights up with an incoming call from Hades.

Finally, we’re given the story of Aidoneus, a small child born of the Titans Rhea and Kronos. This is young Hades. His mother loves him very much and protects him from Kronos. Gaia prophesied that Aidoneus would destroy the Titans but Kronos will not let that happen so he swallows Aidoneus. In the Underworld, Hades wakes from this nightmare, Cerberus comforting his master and persuading Hades with all six of his doggy eyes to make an appointment with his therapist. Hades picks up his phone and notices the second message from the unknown number and realizes it’s Persephone. There’s nothing wrong with talking…

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