How to Marry a Werewolf

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How to Marry a Werewolf by Gail Carriger

Faith Wigglesworth is the shame of her family and her mother and father just don't know what to do with her. She's an embarrassment to the whole of Boston, if her parents are to be believed, but Faith is pretty sure that everyone will forget everything about her by summer. Her parents want her to disappear, so they decide to ship her off to London in hopes of her marrying a werewolf, because werewolves won't be bothered by her indiscretion. Faith and her maid Minnie board a dirigible and three days later, they are in London. 

Channing Channing of the Chesterfield Channings, head of BUR, is at the Hyde Park embarkation green waiting for a dirigible to arrive from America. He has heard of a shipment of Sundowner bullets that might be on their way to London to someone in the anti-supernatural set, so he has to figure out a way to search the dirigible without being offensive to its passengers, though he is feeling rather growly at present. One of his assistants spots a woman, her maid and their porter struggling with luggage and a very heavy case that he suspects might contain the bullets. It does not. It contains some of Faith’s shame.

The case, specially made, contains Faith's rock collection. She has been studying rocks for years and it was fine until her indiscretion, but now she is judged more harshly about everything. As Channing Channing of the Chesterfield Channings, who Faith suspects to be a vampire, inspects her case, she is very sassy to him about her collection, sarcastically suggesting that her rocks will not sully his virtue. Apparently satisfied that this is just a collection of rocks and not Sundowner bullets, Channing Channing of the Chesterfield Channings compliments one of the stones, lapis lazuli, comparing it to Faith's eyes.

After this, Faith meets her cousins, though they're much more distantly related than that. Cousin Theodora Iftercast, Teddy, loves horses and her mother is lovingly tired of that. She is also nonplussed about the rocks, which is nice. Faith discusses the handsome blond “vampire” she met, but the only handsome blond vampire they know who could physically be in the area due to tethers and status is Lord Akeldama. No way Faith would not be able to describe him better. They think, rightfully so, she met Channing Channing of the Chesterfield Channings.

After rifling through all of Faith's clothes, Teddy insists they go shopping, though Faith lets her cousin know that she was not sent with much money. Teddy understands that Faith's family doesn't seem to like her much, especially when she says her mother would prefer that she marry a werewolf and never return from London. Faith tells her cousin that something happened to make her parents feel this way, but she prefers not to speak of it at the present time. Their shopping takes them to Chapeau de Poupe where Faith is assisted by none other than Alpha Werewolf Sandalio di Rabbifano, Biffy, please. He understands her fashion choices, preferring split skirts and slightly more masculine attire, but not so far as others we know, fits her with hats intended for gentlemen, and she looks lovely. Apparently this is all the rage in Paris. Soon Channing Channing of the Chesterfield Channings arrives and Biffy seems to sense something between the two. He insists that she and her cousin attend a ball that weekend.

After they leave Chapeau de Poupe, Biffy and Channing Channing of the Chesterfield Channings chat whilst heading below to the full moon dungeons. Channing Channing of the Chesterfield Channings seems somewhat protective or something over Faith and of course Biffy noticed, but Channing Channing of the Chesterfield Channings says that, with all the extra care Biffy is showing her, people will think he's courting her. Um, no. Have you met Biffy? He believes Channing Channing of the Chesterfield Channings thinks he is strong, but he is in fact ice and he wants Channing Channing of the Chesterfield Channings to break himself against Faith.

Meanwhile, Mr. and Mrs. Iftercast are delighted about the invitation to the ball and Mrs. Iftercast takes the three girls, Teddy, Faith and Minnie, shopping right away. Teddy already has a dress she loves, but Faith has nothing because her parents are terrible, and Minnie is along because she is the ladies maid and has been with Faith for a long time. They need a shop that will follow Biffy’s fashion lead and find one who is as modish as he is, leaving Minnie who is adept at sewing with an eye for fashion, to help. She seems very pleased at being able to help and do a job that she enjoys and that she's very good at.

On the way to the ball, Faith is told basically everything about everyone who will be in attendance and to not talk about rocks too much. Teddy’s told not to talk about horses, and Teddy's brothers Cyril and Colin are told they must dance at least one dance each with the girls and to not just disappear into the card room or run off with a girl much too young, even if she is a “pip.” After arrival, Faith sees Biffy and his Beta Lyall and Channing Channing of the Chesterfield Channings, and then he comes to demand a dance. 

While dancing, Channing Channing of the Chesterfield Channings seems to show great interest in Faith but also seems to want to push her away. They flirt outrageously and he wants to ravish her. They talk about why she has come to London, seeking a werewolf husband because of some shame in Boston, but he hasn't discovered what that is yet, and she asks him if he is no longer interested in marriage. Oh no. Channing Channing of the Chesterfield Channings disappears briefly into his memories of his wife who is long dead, but returns with a fierceness meant to scare Faith away. It doesn't work. She only seems more interested in him! Later, Lord Ambrose requests Faith's dinner dance without her knowing his intentions, she being dinner, but Channing Channing of the Chesterfield Channings is there to basically tell him he can't just request the dinner dance and therefore have her for dinner without her consent. They bicker a bit, vampire to werewolf, but eventually the vampire backs down. Faith stands up for herself during all this as well. 

More events pass and many gentlemen try to court Faith, but she only has interest in Channing Channing of the Chesterfield Channings. He seems to be interested in her as well, which is the talk of the town. Everyone comes to love Faith and her American Americanness, which is an odd feeling since her own parents don't like her much at all. When Channing Channing of the Chesterfield Channings is called away for an unknown amount of time on pack business, some in town think he has given up on Faith, or that she has given up on him, but then he returns with an obvious desire for her. 

Channing Channing of the Chesterfield Channings received a missive from a partner in America about the sundowner bullets and how they no longer seem to be in America, so they've got to be somewhere, but he also went fishing for information about Faith and the Wigglesworth family as well. His American counterpart discovered that Mr. Wigglesworth was the final signature on legislation preventing unescorted werewolves from entering Boston which led to the werewolf pack getting revenge on the Wigglesworth family by sending a claviger to court and bed Faith, then refuse to marry her, ruining her and her reputation. Biffy and Lyall want him to fight for her, or do something, because he's being terrible to everyone.

At a party, Channing Channing of the Chesterfield Channings takes Faith out to the gardens and tells her he knows her secret, but not in a menacing way, only so they don't have to keep things from each other. She tells him how dull her experience was and that she knows the wolf did it because her father is an ass. Feeling closer to the werewolf, she shows off her neck to Channing Channing of the Chesterfield Channings and he kisses her roughly, which she likes quite a bit as it is not nearly as dull as her first experience. She pretends to whimper and escape, so he presses harder and then … leaves.

Faith doesn’t know whether to expect a proposal of marriage after this event, or maybe a proposal of some sort of continued relationship, but what she gets is… confusion. She sees Channing Channing of the Chesterfield Channings at Chapeau de Poupe but he is very cool with her. Biffy tells Faith that she confuses Channing Channing of the Chesterfield Channings, but wants to ensure that she will still be coming for dinner at the pack house as they were invited before this recent confusing incident. Mrs. Iftercast wonders if Faith did something to put him off, but Teddy argues that he’s never really been interested in anyone before that anyone knows of.

Channing Channing of the Chesterfield Channings tracks the bullets to the vampires and remembers when he used to tear through all the vampires in France, especially the one time he killed a queen. He really hates vampires, but now that they are civilized, he has to be, too. When he returns to the pack house, Biffy tells him that the Iftercasts will be joining them for dinner and he will be too, using his alpha influence over his gamma. Biffy wants Channing Channing of the Chesterfield Channings to tell Faith why he is the way he is, that way, when he inevitably leaves her, she will know it's not her fault. Biffy tells Channing Channing of the Chesterfield Channings that he will never tell his secret, but that doesn't mean that others in the pack won't, so he needs to be the one to do it.

Dinner that evening is spent teasing Channing Channing of the Chesterfield Channings. Biffy suggests each of the wolves around the table might be a good marriage candidate for Faith for various reasons, except for Channing Channing of the Chesterfield Channings, which makes him preciously jealous. After dinner, he and Faith are finally mostly alone with everyone else purposefully distracted. Faith tells Channing Channing of the Chesterfield Channings that she doesn't expect him to marry her, but, if he’s interested in having some sort of something with her, she will sexily run from him every night and be his prey. 

Later, Faith decides to send gifts to Channing Channing of the Chesterfield Channings, a wolf painting and rabbit slippers, trying to kill him with kindness, playing more games with him, and Biffy fully supports it, telling her she might actually kill him. Unfortunately, things get less fun when Mr. And Mrs. Wigglesworth come to London. Mrs. Iftercast wrote to them some time ago inviting them, thinking that there would soon be an engagement to celebrate. Mrs. Wigglesworth is delighted to learn that they are not engaged and tells Channing Channing of the Chesterfield Channings just how terrible her daughter is, causing a very American, very embarrassing scene at a party. Luckily lots of people step in to protect Faith, the most important is Channing Channing of the Chesterfield Channings of course. He tells Mrs. Wigglesworth that she will not besmirch her daughter's name ever again because he will give her his. He will make sure that everyone everywhere knows how terrible she is. He sends her away. 

After this dreadful scene, Faith has to tell Channing Channing of the Chesterfield Channings why she was sent to marry a werewolf. It is because her first sexual encounter, the one that he found out about with the claviger, got her pregnant and the baby died before she gave birth, causing her to never be able to bear children. She thought if she married a werewolf, it wouldn't matter anymore because they cannot procreate. The thing is though, she actually wants Channing Channing of the Chesterfield Channings, not because he's a werewolf, but because he is so much more than that and they can be even more together. 

Teddy retrieves Faith after this revelation and they head back home. Teddy, usually a chatterbox, is quiet, but steadfast in her support of her cousin. When they get back home, Minnie is there and is very anxious. Faith is worried because her mother was very angry when she found out that Minnie has been working as a seamstress instead of being her ladies maid, but that's not why Minnie is upset. It turns out that she has the Sundowner bullets and was supposed to deliver them to someone from the anti-supernatural set, but she wanted to sell them instead to make enough money to become a seamstress outright. Unfortunately, she was unable to go through with the sale, it being very difficult for her to find the correct buyer. Now however, Faith's father wants the bullets back and physically assaulted Minnie in order to get them. She still has them though, for now. 

At the pack house, Channing Channing of the Chesterfield Channings is in the library, his favorite place there when he is home, which is not often, but might be more so now that he will be married. He clears off some shelves, but as he is doing so, Lyall comes to speak with him. Channing Channing of the Chesterfield Channings thinks the beta will tell him to call off the engagement, but he has actually come to tell him that the pack quite likes Faith and Biffy approves, and that they will care for her when Channing Channing of the Chesterfield Channings inevitably leaves, since he hasn't kept a woman longer than a few hours since his wife. Lyall tells Channing Channing of the Chesterfield Channings that he will need to tell Faith about Odette and Isolde, which pains Channing Channing of the Chesterfield Channings quite a bit, but after what Faith had to endure and what she told him, he knows Lyall is right. 

Faith, Minnie and the lady Iftercasts go to the pack house the next day, during the day, not the night, so the wolves are not awake. This is normal for the soon-to-be wife, as she will be taking over many of the household duties, even in the pack house. She will be the first woman to marry into the pack since Alexia, so it will be nice to have a lady around more often. They have a more important reason to be there though, or Minnie does, to be more specific. Unfortunately Channing Channing of the Chesterfield Channings and Lyall left quickly to the BUR offices after waking, but when Faith tells Biffy she needs to see Channing Channing of the Chesterfield Channings, he rushes off to retrieve him. 

Soon enough, three wolves arrive, one a beautiful white wolf that approaches Faith. At first she's afraid, but she soon realizes it is Channing Channing of the Chesterfield Channings, and gives him some pets and scritches. He nudges her to the library and she immediately falls in love even more. She convinces the wolf to transform back into a man and is pained but intrigued to hear and see the transformation. She is very pleased to see what he looks like after the transformation, and even more so when she is invited to actually look at him, since he is hers now after all, but wolf Biffy trots in with a robe, putting an end to the longing looks. 

Clothed in a tiny robe, it is finally time for Channing Channing of the Chesterfield Channings to tell Faith his story. He was once a young sculptor in Paris and fell deeply in love with and married a young woman named Odette and had a daughter, Isolde. Since Channing Channing of the Chesterfield Channings was a sculptor, this obviously meant he had excess soul and he was soon desired by a local vampire hive. He refused to join them, but was kidnapped by the Queen and held against his will for at least a month. During this time, Odette, who was already a sad and sickly woman, fell deeper into her depression. When Channing Channing of the Chesterfield Channings was finally able to return to his wife, she leapt with their daughter from their window into the river below. He was unable to find them.

Lost in his own despair and fully prepared to die himself, Channing Channing of the Chesterfield Channings went to war where he was turned into a werewolf after being shot. He fought in three wars and finally was able to get his revenge on the vampire queen who kidnapped him, biting her head off and earning quite the monstrous reputation for himself. Since he lost his wife and child and exacted his revenge, he really didn't care much for anything afterward, until, that is, he met Faith. He is pleased to realize that throughout his entire tale, Faith is rapt with attention and maybe even more in love with him now than before. When she gives over the bullets explaining Minnie’s involvement and her own father's, Channing Channing of the Chesterfield Channings loves Faith even more, too. 

Not much time passes and the two are wed in a very small ceremony that is embarrassingly attended according to the news. Maybe even more embarrassing, to the news but not to anyone in attendance, is the simple wedding dress and the tiny white top hat worn by the bride. Channing Channing of the Chesterfield Channings enjoys divesting his new wife of her dress and hat, and she enjoys undressing her husband as well, and they both enjoy the rest of the night even more. As an aside, Teddy also lives happily and horsily ever after.