Dracula's Brunch Club

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Dracula's Brunch Club by Brian Gonsar and Keenan Gaybba

In Transylvania, at Count Dracula’s Castle at precisely 6:49pm, a bat enters the dwelling. It hovers behind a mustached man in a chef's uniform reading before a roaring fire. But this chef knows he is there and chases the bat with his net. This is no ordinary bat! He metamorphoses back to his true form, revealing it is Count Dracula himself! And he’s very hurt Chef Jeleu didn’t recognize him and was wearing his favorite evil bunny slippers. 

Count Dracula has returned from his worldwide jelly donut tour. Not being a light packer, he’s brought plenty of bags back. It’s been a delightful exchange and exploration of flavors and delights but nothing compares to the blood orange jelly donut all vampires crave, and Dracula just so happens to make the best (humans think they’re good too).

Chef Jeleu unpacks all the awards and accolades Dracula picked up on his tour so the Count can show them off at Brunch Club. That may be a problem though as Constantine has returned and taken over Brunch Club and things have gotten a bit weird. Constantine has made a no-humans rule meaning no fraternizing with humans is allowed. There are more vampires in the club now and they’re all new and they’re all strangely loyal to Constantine. Dracula is determined to win everyone over with his blood orange donuts and put everything back to normal to honor his late father’s dream of a united Transylvania and Dracula’s dream of pastries and brunch. 

Dracula sends a crow messenger inviting the Brunch Club members to his castle the following day then Chef Jeleu escorts the Count to the dining room for breakfast, it’s nearly 7pm! Unfortunately for Dracula, he is served a cupcake not a delicious jelly-filled donut. Chef Jeleu explains all the jelly in the castle was stolen, and there is a jelly shortage in the town, too, and the supply Dracula sent ahead of his arrival home never came. Chef Jeleu suggests they can try and get some blood oranges in town from the market, but Dracula thinks this would have been useful information to know before the Brunch Club invites were sent as making jelly takes time. 

Elena, a local human with the hots for Dracula and an extreme desire to become a member of the undead, has come to visit. She’s here to pick up decorations for the charity event she’s running to help sick children. Because Dracula has mentioned donating a year's supply of donuts, tickets have been through the roof. Dracula looks shifty as he agrees that he can honor the promise. As Elena leaves, she tells Dracula to sort Constantine out. She's not a vampire, despite really wanting to be one, so she is currently excluded from the Brunch Club and a girl’s got donut cravings. 

Panicking, Dracula threatens Chef Jeleu with the Discipline Dungeon if he can’t find the ingredients for the jelly, he can’t let Elena down (because he like-likes her!)! Together, Count and Chef head to town, but unfortunately there are no fruits to be found anywhere, raisins don’t count. Dracula revels under the attention he receives from the humans in town. The lack of fruit is very suspicious so they go looking for Vlad who usually knows what’s going on. Vlad is a younger vampire who recently got fang implants. They look ridiculous. 

Vlad confirms that there have been no blood oranges in town for months, they’ve had to resort to jarred jelly [shudder] so vampires are feeling run down. Vlad tells Dracula to be careful, things have changed, with the vampires lacking energy they’ve not been fighting back, just going with the flow. The humans erected a giant statue of Dracula sitting on a giant donut, which is nice, but it just made Constantine jealous. With that, Vlad needs to go, so he turns into a bat and flies off. He’ll see Dracula at the Brunch Club. 

As Dracula and Chef Jeleu try (unsuccessfully) the Ye Olde Cheese Shoppe for jelly, Constantine creeps up to them like a creep. He reiterates his stupid policy about not fraternizing with humans, lame, and asserts that the Brunch Club is his concern. It was bold of Dracula to crow everyone and he hopes Dracula can actually provide his jelly donuts. If he doesn’t then the vampires will turn on him. Suitably nervous, Dracula orders Chef Jeleu to find a jar of jelly.

The following night, Chef Jeleu wakes Dracula from a nightmare into a real life nightmare, the Brunch Club is being stolen from him. Dracula asks Chef Jeleu to serve his dry scones, they’re so dense they won’t be able to eat anything else. The Brunch Club arrives, ready for Dracula’s donuts and not excited about the scones. When Constantine arrives he demands the donuts. Chef Jeleu has been working on them, but with kale. Gross. They’re doomed.

Dracula opts to tell the members the truth, there are no jelly donuts, his vaults were raided and the crate he sent vanished. While the members reel in devastation, Constantine turns red with anger. Dracula is meant to supply his fellow vampires with blood-orange jelly donuts, not bland food, he is not meant to give his donuts to human charity, and his Transylvania Cream donuts are a disgrace! Constantine calls Brunch Club to an end and all the vampires leave. Dracula is devastated, even too distraught to be tyrannical and take Chef Jeleu to the Discipline Dungeon. 

Later that night as Dracula takes a walk to fully dwell in misery, he runs into Elena. He admits that Brunch Club didn’t go well because Constantine used the jelly shortage against him and is turning the others away from him. Dracula does not say this shortage will affect Elena’s auction, and neither does she realize this. Regardless, Elena tells Dracula he can brunch with her if Constantine can’t get over his issues. This perks Dracula up, he hates the animosity that used to exist between vampires and humans. His father worked hard to end it and now Dracula continues the fight. Elena invites Dracula to dinner the following night and they part ways, Dracula heading home to Chef Jeleu self-disciplining by eating peas! It’s meant to be a Discipline Dungeon not a torture chamber! Dracula heads to bed, hoping the next day will be better. 

Spoilers: it does not get better. Dracula wakes to a letter from Constantine formally advising his membership to the Brunch Club is under review for multiple failures AND the Ghost Gourmet has just arrived to taste his famous jelly donuts. Dracula resorts to hypnotizing the Ghost Gourmet with his suspicious donut looking vampire medallion to come back in two weeks. One problem averted for now, Dracula puts on a dapper cape to go to Elena’s for dinner. 

Dracula arrives at Elena’s family cottage with a bouquet of red roses for Elena’s mom and black roses for Elena. Elena’s parents are lovely, though her father is absolutely convinced, one-hundred percent, nothing will change his mind, that Dracula is not a vampire. This is despite the capes, the black clothes, the fangs, the death-like complexion, the aversion to salt and garlic, the ability to turn into a bat, and being told multiple times by multiple people including Count Dracula himself that he is truly a vampire. The dinner goes well at first, though the auction promise reminds Dracula of his sticky blood-orange jelly situation. It’s only when talk turns to Constantine and his rumored involvement in Dracula’s father’s disappearance that dinner turns sour and Dracula has to leave. 

Dracula turns into a bat to get away from Elena who has come after him, but she is a force of nature and very threatening so he changes back. Elena tells Dracula he can be honest and open with her, and though it’s hard, Dracula shares his worries about Constantine, losing the Brunch Club and how it will affect vampire/human relations he holds so dear as a legacy from his father. He also tells Elena how his father died. He was burned up when the coffin he sought refuge in from the daylight at the coffin workshop was replaced with a tanning bed with a faulty latch. They said it was a freak accident, but Dracula is skeptical and Elena outright doesn’t believe that. 

Suddenly Elena pricks her finger on a rose bush thorn. The blood wells and Dracula is curious as to what the bright red stuff is on her finger. As Elena has dramatics about her finger dropping off, Dracula “tends” the wound… he licks her finger… and whoa! It’s absolutely amazing. Better than amazing! The blood gives Dracula life and energy and he wants more! When Elena asks if she needs a blood transfusion, Dracula takes that as a wonderful idea and dashes off to the hospital for a little light blood-bag snack. 

Eleven minutes of gluttony later, Dracula is inspired. Racing home to Chef Jeleu, he declares he has a new secret ingredient for the jelly: blood! He’s confident Chef Jeleu will figure out how to make it work while Dracula sleeps. 

Eight hours of lying awake later, Dracula emerges from his coffin eager to hunt for blood. First stop: the butcher. After a conversation where Dracula comes across very creepy, he resorts to hypnosis to make the butcher supply him with animal blood. On his way back to the castle with a bucket of blood, Dracula runs into Vlad. Vlad lets Dracula know that Constantine has started a petition to have him removed from Brunch Club on the grounds that Chef Jeleu is the true mastermind behind the donuts. Scandalous! A malicious lie! Dracula is confident his new secret ingredient will win over the naysayers. 

Back at the castle, Chef Jeleu has made the donuts and is just finishing piping the blood jelly into them when Elena arrives. She almost eats a donut but Dracula and Chef Jeleu stop her. Anyway… she’s come with good news, 1,250 tickets to the charity auction have been sold, and it’s all thanks to Dracula’s donuts. Dracula and Chef Jeleu look very nervous as there are only two-days until the event! When Elena has left, Dracula tries one of the blood donuts and it’s AMAZING! Chef Jeleu calls them Bloodvarian Cream Donuts. Suddenly a bat appears, and after hitting it with a broom, it turns into Vlad. Constantine has called a Brunch Club meeting at midnight. Fetch the spatula, time to make more donuts. 

The Brunch Club meeting is a formal affair. Constantine accuses Dracula of ignoring “his kind,” putting them in danger and being irresponsible for leaving for six months meaning they could not get the jelly they crave and rely on for energy. Dracula accuses Constantine of killing the vibe and would be quite chipper if he’d like to share some tips. The vote for Dracula’s expulsion is in the majority. Dracula then reveals his new, tastier, more energy-giving donuts and the vampires agree to try them before kicking Dracula out. They are a resounding success and Dracula wins back all the votes. Constantine is not pleased and orders his minion to look into Dracula’s baking. Dracula asks Vlad to keep an eye on Constantine.

Two nights later, Dracula runs into Elena at the hospital. She was giving nurses tickets to the charity auction and Dracula was on the hunt for blood. As they talk, Elena mentions how her horse was at the vets for passing out and they discovered she had two round dots on her neck… she lost blood but thankfully doesn’t need a transfusion. A transfusion you say? Where they give you blood for free? Meanwhile, Chef Jeleu is working on making donuts for the vampires and a batch for the charity auction but really doesn’t think Dracula should give humans the Bloodvarian Cream Donuts even if they eat steaks rare.

The time for the Charity Auction to help sick children has arrived. Dracula delivers a few boxes of Bloodvarian Cream Donuts before Elena’s father mingles around the room with him. One of the attendees just happens to mention a strange caped man buying up all the jelly. Interesting. As the auction starts, Vlad appears. He’s come to report that Constantine is planning on getting rid of Dracula, permanently. 

Back in the auction room, the humans are vomiting and clutching their stomachs. A stomach bug? Or the donuts? Oh no… Dracula confesses to Elena what the secret ingredient in Bloodvarian Cream Donuts is. She’s not angry. Dracula may have not wanted to let her down, but this is letting her down. Elena’s father finally believes Dracula is a vampire. Elena sends him away. 

Outside, Dracula doesn’t see Constantine hiding behind a tree as he flies off as a bat. In the town, as he sulks on a park bench, he watches the townsfolk pull down his statue. Back at his castle, Chef Jeleu is clearly hypnotized and has the Ghost Gourmet tied up. Running back to town in a panic, Dracula sees the sun beginning to rise and turns into a bat to hide in the sewer. 

Five days later, Elena and Chef Jeleu are out searching for Dracula. When Elena shouts she takes back what she said to him, he appears. Elena tells him the illness was caused by salmonella in the spinach salad, possibly due to someone messing with the crops. Chef Jeleu confirms he was hypnotized by Constantine and his minion Orlok, his parrot recorded it all including their plan to throw Dracula out in the sun. Elena wants to kick their butts and take no prisoners, but Dracula is too tired to fight back. Elena energizes him by pricking her finger on a nail and letting him drink the blood. They realize they need someone on the inside to help them take Constantine down, so they need to find Vlad. 

They find Vlad at home doing a fang-whitening regimen. A few minutes and a wardrobe change later, Vlad admits to having no idea that Constantine was being so devious. Vlad will wrangle the rest of the Brunch Club so they can tell them about Constantine. 

A little while later in a clearing in the forest, Dracula, Chef Jeleu with his parrot, Elena, and Vlad tell the club about Constantine’s plot to kill Dracula. They talk about how quickly Constantine came back and took over the Brunch Club when Dracula left on his tour, the rules and changes he made, and that he’s been getting the vampires to ruin the crops and hurt the humans. They also realize that though the other vampires are tired from lack of blood-orange jelly, Constantine is rather sprightly. Dracula takes the other vampires to the blood vault for some energizing juice pouches before confronting Constantine. 

The vampires turn into bats to scale Constantine’s castle while Elena and Chef Jeleu climb a rope. They search high and low but it’s not until Chef Jeleu pulls a book from the shelf titled Vindicated that they find Constantine’s secret room filled with blood oranges and jars of jelly and Orlok inside enjoying an energizing snack. They discover that Orlok is Constantine’s minion because Constantine created Orlok. This confuses the other vampires, you can create vampires?! Orlok asks that they don’t tell Constantine they know about the secret room, it was one of two secrets he was to keep. 

The second secret has to do with the shouting they can hear. Constantine has a personal refuel room - full of imprisoned townsfolk. One by one, Constantine takes them out, they hear screams, and the person never comes back. As the humans disappear, the ranks of the Brunch Club grow because he’s turning them into vampires! Unfortunately they don’t remember their human life. Dracula checks with the now-vampire postmaster standing right there if he ate all the jelly Dracula sent home, but he didn’t because the package is right there hidden by a cloth. 

Suddenly Constantine comes home. They confront him with the evidence, hoarding jelly, stealing supplies, kidnapping humans, drinking their blood, plotting to kill Dracula. It’s all around them! The new vampires see that if Constantine can turn on Dracula, he can turn on any of them. Constantine tries to escape by throwing a straw and turning into a bat, but Elena has a cross and uses it to keep Constantine from flying out the window and Chef Jeleu throws a coat over him. Lying on the floor in the fetal position, Constantine has lost, but what shall they do with him? Discipline Dungeon? Throw him in the sunlight? Dracula has an idea…

One month later. Dracula has opened a diner where humans and vampires can mingle. Chef Jeleu has just finished whipping up a batch of donuts. Elena’s father comes out of a back room with a fresh bag of blood he’s just donated. Constantine, with a sign around his neck saying “blood donation” and a forced smile on his face, collects the bag and offers him a complimentary donut for his donation. Orlok gives Elena’s dad a Blood Stud sticker too. Half the blood donations go to the local hospital, the other half are kept for the vampire juice bar. Transylvania has truly united again. Elena takes this opportunity to ask to be made into a vampire but Dracula is reluctant. Constantine though was hardly discriminatory, a member of the town, Gregor, was turned and now there is a vampire-werewolf in the mix. Anyway, time to go for a bite. Elena points to her neck.